Thursday, September 30, 2004

L.A.'s brain transplant: Movin' On Up I'm not referring to George and Weezie, but in fact to my new hometown - a city whose I.Q. futures are blowing up so large that everywhere you go you see banners with the name "Einstein" floating in the breeze. And that is some smart shit for a city that's supposed to be full of superficial dumbasses. I was driving around without my glasses - I'm sensitive now that I live in L.A. - for about a week thinking the banners said "Eagles." Turns out the Skirball Cultural Center is all over Einstein, and not only that, the exhibit's great. Timely, too - nice to get a chance to toast the guy before everyone starts lobbing the malignant fruits of his labor through the air in an effort to bring peace to the Middle East. Yeah, he was worried sick about what might happen someday, and to tell you the truth, so am I. posted by TommyT @ 7:50 am | Permanent link

Jugglers, Clowns, and Politicians The debate doesn't matter. Not one fucking bit. Sorry, because wouldn't things be so much simpler.p> posted by TommyT @ 7:19 am | Permanent link

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Bob Hope deported to Hollywood The refusal by the US to allow the former Cat Stevens to enter the country is outrageous -- for those who missed it, Stevens, who changed his faith to Islam and name to Yusuf Islam was sent packing while trying to get off a flight from London the other day. His career has long been over - since back in the day when every other Fleetwood Mac guitarist was in the thrall of one guru or another (no disrespect meant to Islam, or Islam, you dig? It was just going around back then like LSD. Plus I don't believe in any religion, so sometimes I slip). Rumor has it that the R.I.A.A. was behind the move, after seeing an add booking the singer at Konocti Harbor Inn, in Northern California./p> If that wasn't bad enough, the next day comic Bob Hope tried to press his luck, traveling in a cyrogenic chamber in a private jet that landed at JFK. Immigration authorities ordered the plane back to hollywood, saying the new war was nothing at all like Vietnam, and Hope's jokes were as dead as he was, and that his services weren't needed. Plus, apparently, the tank - as one airport worker put it - "stunk like shit."/p> posted by TommyT @ 8:58 pm | Permanent link

Monday, September 20, 2004

Astronauts, Astroturf, and Astro-Gel I will - for the duration of this post - call the woman in question "Mrs. X" in order to cover my tracks from the flag-flying, terminal redneck lest she take further offense at my opinions and inspire her lardly brother to yank the grimy Budweiser I.V. drip from the rank field of sweat-filled pocks that is his left arm with the spectre of a possible Al Queda safehouse in the 'hood. He's connected; all he has to do is whisper Sadaam in order to rally a posse of wayward Burt Reynolds fans to jumpstart their Firebirds in my direction. That's because I'm staying in Richmond, CA where that kind of thing can happen. Mrs. X, I should explain, is my sister's 60-something-year-old nextdoor neighbor. And she's furious because my car was parked to closely to her driveway. The only thing that cooled her off was when - in response to her question - I told her that I was employed by NASA as an astronaut. For real. She believes me./p> posted by TommyT @ 3:04 am | Permanent link

Friday, September 17, 2004

Mr. James takes the high road When Rick James passed on last month, the official spokesperson didn't mean to attribute his death to natural causes, but to the causes you'd naturally expect from the Super Freak, who had nine (9!) different drugs in his system on August 6, 2004, when he lifted off one last time. posted by TommyT @ 12:01 pm | Permanent link

Monday, September 6, 2004

Warner Music, the final frontier This call and response between Warner Music and Tony Brummel, the prez of indie Victory Records, came my way via outspoken Angeleno dj-lawyer-insomniac Bob Lefetz - another example of why major labels are a major disaster. Dear Partners, I want to share with you the news that Warner Music Group has launched a new creative initiative known as the incubator system. This initiative will enable the Music Group to take an innovative approach to forming relationships with independent labels and artists, assisting them in the development of both their artistic and executive talent by offering a variety of services, resources and mentoring that many young labels and artists do not have access to. The mission of the incubator system is to develop the independent music executives and artists of tomorrow, with the ultimate goal of identifying promising new artists who have the potential to be superstars at our own labels and to create long-term relationships with the country's most pioneering entrepreneurs. The system will focus on both rock and urban music, and is highly flexible in that the array of services and resources we are offering can be tailored to the specific needs and priorities of the individual labels and artists. The process of identifying which independent labels and which artists we want to work with will be a collaborative effort involving our labels and a small but extraordinarily talented group of WMG executives who will run the incubator effort. The incubator system will be led on the rock side by Fred Feldman, the founder of Triple Crown Records, who has signed and developed such artists as Brand New, Hot Rod Circuit and Northstar. Fred, the former president of Fat Beats Records and general manager of Profile Records, has also worked with artists including Atmosphere, J-Live, Run DMC, Rob Base, 2nd II None and DJ Quik. Fred will work closely with Andy Allen, president of our own Alternative Distribution Alliance. When Andy joined ADA from his role as general manager of Island Records in 1994, the company was but one year old. Since then, Andy has grown ADA into the premiere independent distribution company in the U.S. and is ideally suited to support Fred, while continuing to run ADA. Todd Moscowitz, who has been at Violator Management for the past three years, will head up the urban incubator (known as Asylum). At Violator, he has worked with artists including Missy Elliott, 50 Cent and Lil' Mo. Prior to joining Violator, Todd was head of Rush Communications and later general manager of Def Jam Records where he spent several years in business affairs and in marketing and promotion. Working alongside Todd at Asylum will be Ron Spaulding, who joined WEA in 2003 and most recently has served as Senior VP of Sales. Ron is a veteran sales executive with a proven ability to market releases in multiple genres. He joined WMG from Priority Records in 2000 as Senior VP for Sales at Elektra Entertainment Group, where he oversaw the sales and retail marketing programs for such artists as Missy Elliott, Staind, Metallica, Tweet and Phish, among others. Fred, Todd and Ron will report to WEA Corp.'s President John Esposito, rounding out a superb lineup of executive talent. They are poised to do fantastic things with our new incubator system, and this will inevitably lead to a strengthening of our own roster. I trust that you will provide them with your ideas, support and full cooperation. Sincerely, Lyor Cohen From: Tony@victoryrecords.com To: lyor.cohen@wmg.com To: John.Esposito@wmg.com To: edgar.bronfman@wmg.com Lyorski, This letter must be joke right? Your Incubator idea will not work. Any label that goes for this will be attacked, blacklisted and ambushed by the real independent labels that matter. We will look upon them as the Demoniac and they will be crushed. Who in the fuck do you think you are going to Mentor? Where do you come up with this condascending bullshit? Feldman is going to be your indie guy? That guy has never even had a real company. If he is going to lead you into battle on the indie front THROW IN THE TOWEL NOW! GIVE UP! SURRENDER! SUBMIT! Trade in your IWC for a Timex! Sell your Maybach and get a Saturn. Move WMG HQ from NYC to Owensboro, Kentucky. Start drinking box wine! If you want to deal with real entrepreneurs you had better learn their jargon. You are an employee. You have people that you have to answer to. YOU CAN BE FIRED. A real entrepreneur can do whatever the fuck they please and cannot be fired. This is why your incubator will fail, the eggs will crack and the hatchlings will wither away and die. And, if there are any good eggs they will be short lived after my butler Bentley snatches them to prepare my MORNING OMELETTE. Regalez vous avec les oeufs! Bisoux, Tony posted by TommyT @ 1:18 am | Permanent link