TA-DAAAH! Dave White nails Project Runway

Artists love Project Runway, but PR doesn’t love them back. In the first two episodes, it managed to eliminate the two people whose aesthetic is way off-the-rack.

Dave White on first episode:

Verdict: LiLo took out her frustrations on the girl who looked like Sam Ronson. All the judges did. And I think that cheats us, the viewers. Because how many short-haired, pixie-ish, spaced-out-art-girls-who-could-very-easily-be-lesbians do we ever get on Runway?

PRECIOUS FEW. THAT’S HOW MANY.

This show has homos seeping from its pores. Boring, tacky, annoying ones most of the time. What happened to the days when an allegedly talented lady-person could simply arrive at Parsons — oh, wait, no, now it’s FIDM — and just waltz through this show, creating at least a few sub-Bjork garments out of puffy, metallic, octagonal empanadas that also feature their own water purification systems inside a hood made of charcoal and shards of glass and go, “TA-DAAAH!” before being shown the door? Can’t they, instead, eliminate one of the dullards first? …When Kors called her final product a “disco soccerball,” I thought, “Fuckin’ right it’s a disco soccerball. Not enough of those in the world.” more

Moving on. White knows how.

Meanwhile, my first favorite person of the new season, now that Planet Claire is already out of the picture, is Malvin with the Haysi Fantayzee hair. He says shit like “my design is ineffable” and that “there’s not a vocab for it yet.” He’s so far into the future there’s no known language developed that can adequately communicate his fashion brilliance. Maybe by the end of the season some really chic aliens will land and teach us all how to see and speak of Malvin’s work with the garbled respect it deserves. I want to believe.

As we all know, Malvin’s gone too. All dullards are still standing. White on episode two here.