The holiday tradition continues because we know you won’t read it.
Each year, we attempt a rather bad parody of a famous holiday poem or song to run on the Tuesday before US Thanksgiving, the least likely time you’ll read it. Let alone sing it.
This year, we butchered the famous Welsh carol, “The First Noël” (complete with diaeresis). It’s pretty cringe-worthy, but no more so than believing that nonprofit art is a product and not the means to a charitable end. Or relentlessly delivering a seemingly endless number of year-end emails, texts, and phone calls.
Oh boy! Giving Tuesday is on the way! Happy badgering!
The first email:
“Help support us,” they plead.
“For we’re bound to go under,
Lest you answer our screed.”
“We do art, that’s all we do,
And we do it each day,
Tho’ we never have asked
If you need it that way.”
Email, email, email, emaiiiiiiilllll.
Two short days later comes another big wail.
The second email:
“Dear Friend” they implore,
“We’re still waiting to hear
If you’re going to give more.”
“See how all the people came,
Our attendance is fine.”
If it’s great, what’s the prob?
Just get their bucks, not mine.
Campaign, campaign, campaign, campaaaaaiiiiiiign.
Here comes December — they ask once again.
The third email
Only 2 short days hence:
“Sales of tickets just cover
’bout fifty percent.”
“The rest comes from your gifts,
And your wealthy friends’, too.
When you give to our art,
The beneficiary is you.”
Year end. Year end. Year end. Year eeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.
Donors donate so that they may attend.
The last email
Sent on New Year’s Eve morn:
“Send us cash or you’ll lose
Tax deductions,” they warn.
Then a call, then a call.
Every hour, a call.
Every minute ’til midnight,
Every day through the fall.
Call the rich. Feed the rich. Friend the rich. Love the riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiich.
They program art just for your little niche.
Try instead this email
Or this charity letter:
“What can we do to make our
Community better?”
“We’re a 501(C)(3).
We solve problems with our art.
And if you need our help,
We’d be happy to start.”
Charity. Charity. Charity. Charityyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
If lives get better, then we’ve earned our fee.
Noël. Noël. Noël. Noëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëëlllllllllllllllllllllllll.
Don’t confuse benevolence with sell, sell, sell, sell.
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