Piano. n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled. — George Bernard Shaw
Get up from that piano. You hurtin’ its feelings.– Jelly Roll Morton