Via God of the Machine (all is forgiven, Aaron), this list by David Hurwitz of what he claims are “classical music’s ten dirtiest secrets”:
1. Mozart really does all sound the same.
2. Beethoven’s Grosse Fuge is just plain ugly.
3. Wagner’s operas are much better with cuts.
4. No one cares about the first three movements of Berlioz’ Symphonie fantastique.
5. Schoenberg’s music never sounds more attractive, no matter how many times you listen to it.
6. Schumann’s orchestration definitely needs improvement.
7. Bruckner couldn’t write a symphonic allegro to save his life.
8. Liszt is trash.
9. The so-called “happy” ending of Shostakovich’s Fifth is perfectly sincere.
10. It’s a good thing that “only” about 200 Bach cantatas survive.
When I went to school, five out of ten wasn’t a passing grade….