He has to be, to withstand the abuse he’s taking. From the right, a pianist identified as Hans Groiner–who may actually be someone named Hans Groiner–castrates Monk, with results that make John Tesh sound like Arnold Schoenberg. Groiner, or the Groiner simulacrum, writes on the Myspace website, “I am from the Austrian village of Braunau, (also the birthplace of Hitler, but please don’t hold that against me!”
Then he tells of hearing Monk for the first time.
Although his music fascinated me, I had very mixed feelings. On the one hand, Mr. Monk had obvious talents, but on the other hand, his piano playing was very messy, and his songs had many funny notes and rhythms. Over the many years that I have been studying his music, I have grown to the conclusion that his songs would be much better, and much more popular, if many of the dissonances, or “wrong notes,” were removed.
So, he removes them. Go here to listen to samples of the results, which Groiner says are “from my CD, which I am planning to release worldwide, very, very soon!” You have been warned.
From the left, a heavy metal rock group calling itself Brilliant Coroners (get it?) collects the energy that Groiner extracted from Monk’s music, expands it to nuclear proportions and unleashes it without mercy. You may sample it here. Samples were enough for me, but I don’t know your taste or your tolerance level.
Somewhere in the middle is Thelonious Moog, which is beguiling at first. After a few tracks, however, its comic synthesizer simulations of explosions, sirens, animal sounds, belches and other body noises become–oh, I don’t know–whoopee-cushion humor. These cats can meter, though. I became exhausted imagining the hours of computer programming involved in contructing this electronic tower of Babel.
As Bach rose above Wendy Carlos, Monk rises above these tributes, if that’s what they are. It may help restore your faith in his genius, not to mention your sanity and your sense of humor, to listen to the real thing. There are dozens of terrific Monk CDs, but why not go back to this one, recorded years before he made the cover of TIME (“I’m famous, ain’t that a bitch?”). It is one of his best. Added attractions: Coleman Hawkins, John Coltrane and Gigi Gryce.