Lackwit

With the exception of Stephen Fry, British wits mustn't be what they used to. The Guardian reports that a survey of 3,000 comedy fans on the greatest wits in history produced expected results (Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, Noel Coward, Spike Miligan) but also included, among the living, the Oasis bandleader, Liam Gallagher. Mr. Gallagher may well be a scintillating wisecracker but certainly not based on the lines quoted. This, for example, is his estimation of Victoria Beckham: "She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book." Compare this to LBJ's favorite description of an incompetent politician: "He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel."